Around Town: Wellington Zoo

Recreation of Actual Events on a smaller scale somewhere else!

Wellington Zoo. For the last few years there have been continuing issues with people climbing over the Zoo fence after hours. The local council and Zoo officials have remedied the problem by installing a 7000-volt electrical fence around the perimeter. Despite the new measures, resounding screams have been heard late at night as frugal zoo patrons still try to access the Zoo’s attractions nocturnally. Local residents have reported the screams that usually occur between the hours of midnight and 2am Friday thru Sunday. The human screams usually precede a raucous cacophony of baboon, chimpanzee and various angry animal noises.

Accident and Emergency Staff at the nearby Hospital have treated ten patients so far this year for electrical burns. Charge Nurse, Gina Jaja said that many of the injurious were superficial although they have had a few that were quite serious. One in particular, where a drunken teenage male managed to straddle the top of the fence before suffering bad electrical burns to his testicles. Apparently he had only been wearing a pair of nylon swimming trunks and had brushed his private parts on the top of the fence as he was attempting to launch himself into the man-made lake around the gibbon enclosure.

Zoo officials have made no apologies for the fence and since news reports publicized the injuries were quite confident that the intruder rate had dropped to nil. Police officials and nearby residents however have noticed a disturbing trend of drunk teenagers attempting to “climb the wall.” Like lemmings, the drunks take turns seeing who can outdo each other withstanding electrical shocks. “I have seen more than one of these idiots actually knock themselves out by licking the livewire whilst standing on their equally idiotic friend’s shoulders. It would be quite comical if it wasn’t so pathetic,” said Harold Dimwingle from the nearby Newtown Apartments. “We can nearly set our clocks by these retards. Me and a few mates from the RSA come down here at midnight on a Saturday and have a few brandies while waiting for these clowns and their ridiculous antics!”

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